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9 weeks ago: Temple Run
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8 weeks ago: Cinnamon Challenge
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7 weeks ago: YOLO
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6 weeks ago: Kony
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5 weeks ago: Fisting Somebody Really Deep Until They Scream
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4 weeks ago: The Hunger Games
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3 weeks ago: Lotto
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2 weeks ago: Ridiculously Photogenic Guy
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Last Week: Titanic
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This Week: Call Me Maybe
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Next Week: Alt + Reblog
3am
I hate staying awake, at least here, because there’s no one to talk to which just leaves me alone with my thoughts 24/7, and my over thinking always leads to negative thoughts. i never diary, but tumblr seems like the place for a verbatim overflow. Even if i wanted to talk to someone, no one i know would understand. people are so disappointing. everyone pretends like they have people to reply on, but most of it is just based on shallow assumptions. and then since everyone around me is so spiritual, everyone tells me to talk to God, only he never talks back… ah! but he does in the bible? oh okay, open up the bible, yeah it doesn’t explain how to deal with moving to a completely different continent, where you have no family, and no friends, almost no money, no real purpose in life, no idea how to deal with the things you left behind and whether they should stay behind or if you should bother trying to keep them relevant. it says trust God, good okay, it says to pray, it says all the stuff i’ve already been told a million times but none of it seems to work. People always tell me that i’m the happy, encouraging, positive one. I don’t know if anyone sees it, but inside i’m standing on the edge of a cliff, and i know that if i just step off it i’ll fall into a dark miserable world, and i know that i’m totally able to absorb all the darkness and misery and make it mine. Because i’ve never really been allowed to be dark, cause it’s sinful, and in the world i’m from you’re supposed to try really hard not to sin. So i’ve always tried to find the balance between everything that people consider dark and the ray of sunshine girl i always thought i was. I went to bible school, and it was easy there to have that balance. Monday- Friday study the bible, Friday - Sunday do the things that bad rebellious church kids do with other bad rebellious church kids. It was like sailing a sinking ship but always having access to the life boat, so there was never any fear of drowning. but now, i’m off to the secular world, and i don’t think there will be a life boat. but sometimes i think i’m just over thinking it all because i have way to much time on my hands. that being said i need to get back to my 20 hour Breaking Bad marathon.
To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and to endure the betrayal of false friends. To appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know that even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.
Ralph Waldo Emerson (via atomos)(via myseaoflove)
Ugly thoughts.
Reblogged this before, but I love it so much.
Love the book
(Source: thedaliad0ll, via brianajayde)
